My Dad
I like to run, sing, play the guitar, cycling, and so much more; I am 16 years old and I go to Tualatin High School, I am Brianna Tollenaar. In life it is important to learn about the past and the people in it, opinions, facts, and stories about the past can help us learn and grow in new ways that help us to see our world we live in today a little differently. I grew up in a loving, and loud family that was always full of opinions this made any family gathering interesting. I chose to interview my dad because I am extremely close to him and I have always looked up to him, he is the best dad I could ever hope for.
Drake Tollenaar was born on April 13 1969 in Springfield Or. My dad grew up in the same town and lived in the same house almost his whole life. All the schools he went to besides collage of course were in the same town he went to Thurston schools K-12. He eventually got a full ride scholership to the U of O and then went to Western States University and got his Doctorate. When he was younger he wanted to either be a doctor or a electrician. He is now a Chiropractor and has his own practice.
My dad had to brothers one older and one younger, making life always interseting. He played a ton of sports when he was young, baseball, football,and soccer. In high school he was in advanced classes and played sports, was in jazz band and chior. My dad told me that his favorite high school memory was a chior trip to Disney Land and this year I get to go to Disney World for a chior trip. While in High School my dad was a part of Young Life he got to go on retreats and he said that those are the moments he would like to relive. His Young Life leader was Ron Sauer and they still get together and hang out. Ron was a big part of my dads life and that is who he said he looks up to.
There are so many differences between now and when my dad was my age but there is also some similarities. some of the differences was the technology they only talked on the phone and doing that on a home phone. The economy was still tough mills were shutting down where my dad lived. Things that were popular were cassettes, MTV, Atari, and designer jeans. I thought this was funny because out of all those things MTV and designer jeans were still popular; you would think that everything then would be out now. There are also things that you don't see today that you would have seen back then he said the biggest thing was freedom without worry of danger, kids would roam around for fun. The big political differences was it was not as distinct as they are now it was more middle ground.
Over all my dad is a very important part of my life. He is always there for me and is always willing to give me advice things like its not all about you and no matter what happens we will always be there for you. I enjoyed this essay because I got to spend time with my dad just interviewing him.
1. I don't know what you mean by weird, for the definition of weird in my book is different, and there is nothing wrong with being different.
ReplyDelete2.Yes, I do believe that those sentences need to be there in order to create a transition between describing yourself and the relationship with your father and why you chose him.
3.As for information about your family, I thought it was fine.
I actually like the first sentence because you explained who you are and what you enjoy doing. Yes, I think that connecting why you chose your dad and your sentences about yourself need to be there to introduce the paper. The information about your family makes sense to me because you are writing about someone close in your family.
ReplyDeleteI like your intro, because it gives the reader an idea of who you are and facts about you family structure. Its always nice to know what you're going to be reading before you read the whole paper. I think that your second sentence is a little jumpy, maybe try breaking it up into two sentences, other then that I really like it.
ReplyDeleteI like the content a lot, but the only thing I would do to make the paper flow better would be to break up some of the sentences because some of them are run-ons. Otherwise I think you had good information about your family that made sense. You could put another transition in there to make it flow as well. Overall it sounds great and introduces the reader into the story very well.
ReplyDeletegood story, your dad sounds like a great guy! didn't know you played guitar either.
ReplyDelete